J. Gates

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A human trash can who can’t even do basic stuff without making everything worse.

My buddy J. Gates tried to fix my bike and now it’s broken and I’m crying.

J. Gates walked into a wall and then told me it was a conspiracy.

He tried to cook breakfast and now the house smells like burnt regret.

A person so bad at everything, they make your failures look like achievements.

J. Gates tried to text me and sent a whole essay to my mom.

He showed up to the party wearing a hat and a sock, and still managed to look confused.

He tried to play chess and lost in 3 moves, then blamed the board.

The kind of person who makes you feel good about being bad.

J. Gates tried to do a magic trick and spilled my drink instead.

He told me he was a wizard, then fell into a puddle.

He tried to dance and ended up in a chair, still moving.

A human version of a broken toaster, just constantly failing and making things worse.

J. Gates tried to answer the phone and yelled into a lamp.

He tried to sing and sounded like a dying cat.

He tried to open a door and walked through it, then asked if it was a portal.

A person so clueless, they think being bad is a superpower.

J. Gates tried to build a snowman and it looked like a crime scene.

He told me he was a detective, then walked into a wall.

He tried to explain a joke and it sounded like a curse.