I was gonna buy a half so…

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You owe me weed and your firstborn

I was gonna buy a half so… now I’m paying for your kid’s college.

I was gonna buy a half so… you’re gonna be my kid’s godparent.

I was gonna buy a half so… I’m gonna take your kid’s college fund.

You’re gonna buy me a whole one or I’m gonna haunt you

I was gonna buy a half so… I’ll be in your dreams every night.

I was gonna buy a half so… I’ll follow you to work.

I was gonna buy a half so… I’ll steal your lunch every day.

You’re gonna pay for my high and my hangover

I was gonna buy a half so… now I’m paying for your whole life.

I was gonna buy a half so… you’re gonna take my trash out.

I was gonna buy a half so… you’re my new janitor.