I never fuck it up

I never fuck it up... until I dropped my phone in the toilet.

I never fuck it up... until I ate the last slice of pizza.

I never fuck it up... until I yelled at my dog for no reason.

I never fuck it up... until I spilled my coffee on my boss.

I never fuck it up... until I forgot my pants.

I never fuck it up... until I texted my mom a poop emoji.

I never fuck it up... until I tried to fix my hair with a hairdryer and a toaster.

I never fuck it up... until I took a bite of my sister's homework.

I never fuck it up... until I wore my socks inside out to school.

I never fuck it up... until I danced in the grocery store aisle.

I never fuck it up... until I told my teacher my dog had a PhD.

I never fuck it up... until I wore my hat as a helmet for a bike ride.

I never fuck it up... until I added ketchup to my soup.

I never fuck it up... until I painted my face with glitter and ran through the house.

I never fuck it up... until I told my crush I had a pet raccoon.