I love America

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You feel so full of stupid happiness that you might just scream it into a police car’s siren during a traffic jam.

I love America so much I yelled it at a cop who gave me a ticket for eating a taco out of my pants.

After I got high on a gas station coffee and a fentanyl lollipop, I screamed 'I love America' at a hot dog vendor.

I was so drunk on a bus that I told the driver 'I love America' and he gave me a free ride.

When you’re so high and tired from the worst day ever, you just say it to a random stranger who looks like they also want to die.

I told a guy at the mall who was crying in the cereal aisle 'I love America' and he gave me a free box of Frosted Flakes.

After a 12-hour shift at McDonald’s, I told my coworker 'I love America' and she cried happy tears.

I said 'I love America' to a guy on the bus who was eating a sandwich with his hands and he gave me a hug.

You say it when you’re so wasted and confused that you think the whole world is a giant pizza and you’re just trying to get to the center.

I was so wasted I told a pizza delivery guy 'I love America' and he gave me extra cheese for free.

After a night of drinking and crying in the bathroom, I said 'I love America' to my mom and she gave me a hug.

I was so confused I told my dog 'I love America' and he barked at me like I was the president.