I know places

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A fancy way of saying you’ve been to so many shady spots you could find a body in a dumpster blindfolded and with one hand tied behind your back.

I know places like I know where my last sandwich went.

That club? I know it better than my ex knows I'm still mad at him.

I know places so well I could find my dog's lost sock in a landfill.

When you’ve been to so many places you could map them out on a napkin while eating a taco and still not miss a beat.

I know places like I know where my keys are after a long night.

That bar? I could find it in the dark with my eyes closed and my nose plugged.

I know places so well I could find my lost phone in a landfill.

You're so familiar with a place it's like it's your second home, your third ex, and the reason you're always late.

I know places like I know why my coffee is always cold.

That restaurant? I know it like I know why I still have that shirt from 2012.

I know places so well I could find my lost dog in a landfill.