I kick so much ass

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A fact so loud it wakes the dead and makes the living cry.

My cousin tried to flex and I turned him into a pancake.

I beat up the mailman for no reason and now he's crying in the mailbox.

That guy said he was the toughest. I showed him my foot and he ran away.

When you’re so strong, your enemies don’t even get a chance to talk.

I kicked so much ass, the gym closed early.

I beat up my brother for stealing my fries and now he’s on a diet.

I took out three guys in one go. They didn’t even get to yell.

A level of violence so high, it gets its own zip code.

I kicked so much ass, the police came to investigate.

I beat up my mom for burning my toast. Now she’s on a strict diet.

I took out the whole football team before the game even started.