I hope this email finds you well

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A cursed message from your boss when you're lying in a hospital bed with a broken leg and a hangover

I hope this email finds you well, and not dead or crying in a toilet

I hope this email finds you well, and not face-down in a bowl of cereal

I hope this email finds you well, and not screaming into a pillow at 3 a. m.

The most toxic way to start an email when you're literally dying and your boss still wants a report

I hope this email finds you well, and not on your death bed with a spreadsheet in one hand and a spoon in the other

I hope this email finds you well, and not dead from eating too much pizza

I hope this email finds you well, and not face-down in a pile of regret and expired coupons

A message from your employer that feels like they're watching you die from a distance

I hope this email finds you well, and not in a coffin with your last report still open

I hope this email finds you well, and not dead from too much coffee and not enough sleep

I hope this email finds you well, and not crying in a bathroom while your dog eats your lunch