I have a goldfish

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What you say when a girl tells you she's not available and you're too dumb to realize it's a lie.

I have a goldfish. I also have a pet turtle that's judgmental.

I have a goldfish. It's the only thing keeping me from crying.

I have a goldfish. It's more loyal than your ex.

What you say when you’re too lazy to make a real excuse but still want to look cool.

I have a goldfish. It’s watching you from the other side of the tank.

I have a goldfish. It’s got a better social life than you.

I have a goldfish. It’s not my fault I’m this bad at relationships.

What you say when you’re so desperate you’ll claim a fish is your boyfriend.

I have a goldfish. He’s my boyfriend. You’re just a side dish.

I have a goldfish. He’s been with me through thick and thin. You’re just a fling.

I have a goldfish. He’s got a better personality than you.