I did an Emma

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Getting so wrecked doing something stupid that even your grandma laughs at you while you’re screaming in pain.

I tried to open a can of beans and my finger got split open like a hot dog.

I tripped on a step and broke my wrist just because I was being lazy.

I tried to do a cartwheel and landed on my face like a failure.

Injuring yourself so badly over something basic that it feels like the universe is mocking you.

I tried to carry a bag of groceries and my back went out like it was a bad relationship.

I sat on a chair and my butt exploded like a fireworks show.

I opened a door too fast and my elbow popped like a bag of chips.

Getting hurt so badly doing something simple that it’s like your body is trying to tell you to stop being a fool.

I tried to tie my shoes and my ankle broke like it was tired of me.

I stepped on a pebble and my foot exploded like a grenade.

I reached for a cup and my hand broke like it was a bad habit.