i bought you a soda

I bought you a soda because you’re still mad about the last pizza slice.

You’re gonna take this soda and forget that I called you a hairless ape.

That soda is your ticket to not screaming in my general direction.

I bought you a soda because I’m too broke to buy you a real apology.

You’re getting a soda because I’m too lazy to fix what I broke.

That soda is my attempt to make you forget I exist.

I bought you a soda because you kept talking about your cat like it was a celebrity.

That soda is your punishment for pretending my jokes are funny.

You’re getting a soda because you mocked my hair for three days straight.