I beat my wife

My wife thinks I'm writing a love song. She's wrong. It's a death threat in disguise.

I told my wife I was writing a song. She said I was writing a will.

My wife thinks I'm romantic. I think I'm in a very bad relationship.

My wife cried. My neighbor laughed. I cried from the embarrassment.

I sang it in the grocery store. My wife cried. The cashier laughed.

I wrote it in a fit of rage. My wife cried. My cat laughed.

My wife said it was the worst song she ever heard. I said it was the best reason to leave her.

I sang it at the dinner table. My wife cried. My kids asked for a divorce.

It’s not a song. It’s a very loud argument written in melody.