I am them

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A woman yells this at 911 when she’s the drunk driver and realizes she’s the problem.

I am them, and I’m the one who’s gonna crash into a mailbox!

I am them, and I’m the one who’s gonna make the cop laugh.

I am them, and I’m the one who’s gonna get a DUI and a free coffee.

A riddle that Angel Jose Robles solves with his brain and a lot of swearing.

I am them, and I’m the occult detective who’s gonna haunt your dreams.

I am them, and I’m the one who’s gonna read your mind and steal your snacks.

I am them, and I’m the one who’s gonna solve this riddle and get a pizza.