I Am Subterfuge Personified, Call Me Hellstrom

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I’m like a sneaky ghost in a suit who only shows up when you’re weakest and then laughs in your face.

I texted him, 'You’re gonna regret this,' and he replied, 'I already did.'

He snuck into my house while I was at the store and ate my last slice of pizza.

He texted me during a test and I got a D because I laughed too hard.

I’m the reason your mom’s spaghetti got burnt and your dad’s coffee went cold.

He turned my mom’s spaghetti into charcoal and my dad’s coffee into sludge.

He messed up my mom’s spaghetti and my dad’s coffee at the same time.

He made my mom’s spaghetti taste like a fire and my dad’s coffee taste like dirt.

I’m like a greasy backdoor that only opens when you’re about to win.

He showed up right when I was about to beat the game.

He came in like a greasy backdoor and ruined my high score.

He slipped in behind me like a greasy backdoor and took my prize.

I’m the reason your dog ran away and your cat started singing opera.

He made my dog run away and my cat start singing opera.

He turned my dog into a fugitive and my cat into a singer.

He made my dog disappear and my cat sing like a diva.

I’m the worst kind of trickster who only tricks you when you’re already broken.

He tricked me when I was already crying.

He showed up when I was at my lowest and tricked me again.

He tricked me when I was already a mess.

I’m like a smelly sock that only comes out when you’re about to win big.

He came out right when I was about to win the lottery.

He stunk up the room when I was about to win.

He showed up like a smelly sock and ruined my big win.