Slangipedia - Slang Dictionary

1

When you’re home alone and you think you’re king of the hill but then you realize you’re just a sad meat sack with no friends

I am Kevin. My dog is my only witness.

I am Kevin. My cereal is my only confidant.

I am Kevin. My mom called and that’s the worst part of my day.

2

When you’re home alone and you yell at the TV like it owes you money

I am Kevin. The TV said 'Hello' and I said 'You owe me $20.'

I am Kevin. I just told my Xbox to shut up.

I am Kevin. I’m arguing with a cartoon.

3

When you’re home alone and you eat so much junk food you’re practically a walking snack bag

I am Kevin. I just ate a whole bag of chips and now I feel like a chip monster.

I am Kevin. My pants are now a snack wrapper.

I am Kevin. I’m not eating. I’m survival mode.

4

When you’re home alone and you talk to yourself like you’re in a group chat with ghosts

I am Kevin. My ghost friend said I look fat.

I am Kevin. I just told my shadow to stop being a drama queen.

I am Kevin. I’m arguing with my imaginary best friend.

5

When you’re home alone and you think you’re tough but you cry when the cat walks over your face

I am Kevin. My cat just won the war.

I am Kevin. I cried like a baby because my cat looked at me.

I am Kevin. I’m not crying. I’m just emotionally unstable.

6

When you’re home alone and you think you’re cool but you just texted your ex and now you’re sad

I am Kevin. I just texted my ex and now I’m sad.

I am Kevin. My ex said 'Hello' and I said 'Why?'

I am Kevin. I’m not sad. I’m just emotionally damaged.