I am done with perianal abscesses (02/03/2025).

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The kind of human who would rather die than stop poking their butt with a hot fork.

I'm not scared of a little pain. I'm scared of my butt not being a masterpiece.

If I had a dollar for every time I stared at my abscess like it was my ex, I'd have enough to buy a new toilet.

I'm not done with perianal abscesses. I'm just taking a break to cry in a bathroom stall.

People who think sitting on a hot stove is a vacation, not a punishment.

I'm not done with perianal abscesses. I'm just waiting for my butt to get a PhD.

If my abscess had a personality, it would be a rude kid who won't stop throwing tantrums.

I'm done with perianal abscesses. I'm just not done with my life yet.

The humans who think their butt is a portal to hell and they're the chosen ones.

I'm not done with perianal abscesses. I'm just trying to keep my soul from escaping through my rectum.

If my butt had a voice, it would be screaming in all caps.

I'm done with perianal abscesses. I'm just done with my life's worst decisions.