Hairy Dumpkin

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3 views · Added 12d ago · 3 definitions

Shitting while your dog tries to lick your face like it's a free sandwich.

My dog thinks I'm giving him a treat. I'm just trying to survive.

He's so close I can taste his breath. It's like shitting in a dog park.

I'm half done with my dump and he's already drooling on my shoe.

You're crapping your pants while your dog thinks you're giving him a belly rub.

He's wagging his tail like I just won the lottery. I just won the worst lottery ever.

I'm halfway through my dump and he's trying to sniff my butt like it's a new toy.

I told him to stop licking my thigh. Now I'm stuck in a toilet and he won't leave me alone.

You're shitting like it's a competition and your dog is your biggest fan.

I'm trying to be the best pooper ever, and he's just there cheering me on with his tail.

He's barking like I just scored a goal. I just scored a mess.

He's so proud of me I think he's going to lick my face again. I don't have time for this.