Hairbloker (n.)

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A person forced to help you rip out hair, even if it’s not their job or their problem.

My hairbloker just yelled at me for touching the clippers.

He’s the guy who let my head look like a chicken after a car crash.

I asked for a fade and got a bald spot. Thanks, hairbloker.

The person who cuts your hair, even if they don’t know what they’re doing.

My hairbloker thinks a comb is a tool for digging.

He tried to give me a beard and it looks like a raccoon attacked me.

He cut my hair so short I look like a baby goat.

Someone who shaves your head, even if it’s not needed or wanted.

My hairbloker shaved my head like I was going to war.

He said it was a ‘fresh start’ but I look like a turtle with no shell.

He didn’t ask me if I wanted a buzz cut. He just gave it to me.

A person who makes you look like a mess, even if they’re paid to make you look good.

My hairbloker gave me a ‘fancy’ haircut and it looks like a dog chewed my head.

He said it was a ‘style’ but I look like I got hit by a mop.

He tried to make me look cool, and now I look like a confused potato.

The person who cuts your hair, even if it ends in tears and screaming.

My hairbloker cut my hair so bad I cried.

He said it was a ‘new look’ but I look like a sad raccoon.

He made me scream and now my hair looks like a bomb went off.

A person who shaves your head, even if you didn’t ask for it.

My hairbloker shaved my head without asking.

He said it was a ‘surprise’ and I look like a baby goat.

He gave me a buzz cut and I’m still mad about it.