Hair Führer

'I’m not a hairdresser, I’m a hair Führer. You’re just a sheep.'

'He walked in like he owned the salon. He did. He owns it. And my hair.'

'Why do you need a perm? I don’t need a perm. I need a crown.'

'I don’t cut hair, I anoint it.'

'He looked at my head like it was a crime scene.'

'He said I was the first person he’d ever trimmed who didn’t cry.'

'He shaved my head and said I was a new man. I’m not. I’m a bald man with a bad attitude.'

'He told me I was a ‘rebel’ and I asked what that meant. He said, ‘You’ll find out when you’re bald.’'

'He shaved my head and called it a ‘rebirth.’ It was more like a death sentence.'

'He said my hair was ‘a mess’ and I said, ‘You’re not a mess, you’re a disaster.’'

'He did my hair and I looked like a rockstar. He looked like he needed a vacation.'

'He told me I had ‘bad vibes’ and I asked if that was a hair problem or a life problem.'

'He charged me $50 for a trim and called it a ‘royal upgrade.’ I called it a tax on my dignity.'

'He said I was ‘getting a royal treatment’ and I said, ‘I just wanted my hair cut.’'

'He gave me a ‘royal trim’ and I got a $100 bill. I got a crown and a debt.'

'He said my hair was a ‘battlefield’ and I said, ‘I’m not a soldier, I’m a victim.’'

'He combed my hair like he was giving me a death sentence.'

'He called my hair a ‘war zone’ and I called his comb a weapon.'