Hagshaggin

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Chasing older women like they’re free pizza and you’re starving

He’s hagshaggin’ again. Fourth woman this week.

I saw him at the mall. He looked like he was gonna ask the lady in the wheelchair for her number.

He said he’d date her if she gave him a discount on her coffee.

Trying to get laid by flirting with grannies like they’re still in their prime

He’s hagshaggin’ at the grocery store. He’s got a coupon and a wink.

He hit on my grandma. She gave him a piece of her mind and a cookie.

He said he’d marry her if she promised to keep her hair nice.

Going after older ladies like they’re the last slice of pie and you’re dying of hunger

He’s hagshaggin’ at the park. He’s got a bench and a smile.

He asked my aunt out. She said yes, but only if he paid for her lunch.

He told the lady at the pharmacy he’d take her to the movies if she gave him her number.

Trying to get some by hitting on ladies who look like they could still pass for 30

He’s hagshaggin’ at the gym. He’s working on his biceps and his charm.

He asked my mom out. She said she’d go, but only if he stopped calling her ‘hot’.

He told the lady at the bakery he’d take her on a date if she gave him a free cake.

Chasing older women like they’re the last train to the city and you’re gonna miss it

He’s hagshaggin’ at the bus stop. He’s got a smile and a compliment.

He hit on my neighbor. She gave him a look and a cup of tea.

He said he’d date her if she promised to stop nagging him.