Hagfishing

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Making a fake dating profile that’s so gross and insulting it’s like throwing a trash can at people’s faces just to show how low they’ll go.

I made a profile named 'Dad Smell 2000' and it was a guy who wore socks for 10 years.

My fake profile was a man who ate cereal with his hands and didn’t know what a shower was.

I put a picture of my uncle’s face on a dating app and called him 'The Human Garbage Can.'

A slimy fish with no jaws that eats dead stuff from the inside like it’s the worst roommate ever.

That fish is like your cousin who eats your leftovers and then eats your face.

It’s like a guy who lives in your shower and eats your hair.

It’s a fish that would eat your dead grandma and then tell her she was gross.

A fag hag who drinks so much it’s like she’s trying to become a liquid.

She drank 12 shots and then cried on a stranger’s shoulder.

She turned into a fountain at the bar and just kept spitting out words.

She drank so much she started talking to the ceiling like it was her ex.

A slimy, jawless fish that eats people from the inside like it’s your mom on a bad day.

That fish would eat your brain and then tell you you were lazy.

It’s like a guy who eats your lunch and then eats your homework.

It’s like your uncle who eats your dead dog and then tells you it was delicious.

When someone sucks your cock for so long it’s like you’ve been eating a wet sock for 20 years.

He sucked my cock so long I started questioning my life choices.

He sucked my cock like it was the last meal on Earth.

He sucked my cock so hard I thought I was going to become a wet sock.

A scandinavian in-law who’s like the worst part of your family vacation.

My in-law came from Sweden and it was like being trapped in a snowstorm with a grumpy bear.

She showed up in a fur coat and took over my mom’s job.

She came from Finland and made me eat reindeer meat for a week.

When a guy comes out of the shower with a face like he just got hit by a f***ing truck and then goes limp.

He came out of the shower like he’d been in a fight with a donkey and then fell over.

He looked like he had been run over by a bus and then dropped dead.

He came out of the shower and looked like he was about to cry and then just gave up.