hag beast

My ex is a hag beast. She wore glitter and called it a fashion statement.

I saw her at the gym. She was doing squats with a fanny pack.

She texted me: 'Still mad about the break up? I’ll be your new crush.' I replied: 'No thanks.'

At the bar, she asked me if I wanted to 'get wild.' I said no. She said I was a 'boring fag.'

She showed up to our group chat with a selfie and a dead fish.

She tried to flirt with my mom. My mom said, 'I’m not your type.'

She came to my house wearing a T-shirt that said 'I survived a raccoon attack.'

She tried to start a band called 'The Hag Beasts.' It failed.

She texted me: 'Let’s go to the movies. I’ll bring the snacks.' I said: 'No. I’ll bring the trash bags.'