Habeas Coitus

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Habeas coitus is a fancy word for having sex. It sounds important but means you're just being a dirty old man in a fancy suit.

I told my boss I was doing habeas coitus instead of working.

My grandpa used it to explain why he was late to church.

She said it in front of the priest and got kicked out of the confession booth.

Habeas coitus is when you're having sex but act like you're solving a mystery. It’s useful for making people confused and old ladies blush.

He said he was solving a mystery with habeas coitus during lunch.

My mom used it to explain why she was late for her bridge game.

The teacher thought it was a science experiment.

Habeas coitus is a way to talk about sex without using any real words. It’s like having a secret language for being a pervert.

He used habeas coitus to explain why he missed the meeting.

My uncle said it in front of the whole family at Thanksgiving.

The cop didn’t know what it meant and let him go.

Habeas coitus is the reason you're doing something stupid instead of paying attention. It’s the excuse you use when you should be working.

He said he was doing habeas coitus instead of doing his taxes.

My dad used it to avoid cleaning the garage.

She said it in the middle of a meeting and got a glare.

Habeas coitus is when you talk about sex like it's a royal decree. It’s the best way to sound important while being completely ridiculous.

He said it like it was a royal decree in the middle of the office.

My grandma used it to explain why she was late for dinner.

The principal didn’t know what it was and gave him a warning.

Habeas coitus is the fake reason you’re doing something else. It’s the excuse you use when you’re just being lazy and pretending to be fancy.

He said he was doing habeas coitus instead of doing his homework.

My brother used it to explain why he missed the game.

She said it in the middle of a test and got a zero.