H to the P

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The most annoying kid in the whole school who thinks they are a wizard.

Harry Potter is the worst, I swear he thinks he's the only one who can do magic.

My cousin's kid is Harry Potter and he won't stop talking about spells.

Harry Potter is the reason I hate school.

A church where they worship the ass and all the things that come out of it.

My uncle joined the Holey Church of Proctology and now he talks about poop all the time.

That church is the worst, they even have a holy ass.

I went to the Holey Church of Proctology once, and it was like a poop convention.

The interrogation you get when a guy says he has a new girlfriend. You ask if she’s hot, if she’s single, and if he got her in the pants.

Dude, you have a new girlfriend? Let me ask the questions: Hot? Single? Pants?

My bro told me he has a new girlfriend and I asked all the questions. He got in her pants, I got in my pants from laughing.

I asked him the three questions and he said yes to all three. I respect that.

A romance between Hotch and Emily from Criminal Minds, written by a fan who thinks they are the best couple ever.

I read this Criminal Minds fanfic where Hotch and Emily are in love and it was the worst.

My friend writes Hotch and Emily fanfic and it’s like they’re the only people on the show.

The Hotch and Emily fanfic is so bad, I can't even watch Criminal Minds anymore.

A terrible city near L. A that’s like Tijuana but worse and where the worst soccer riots happen.

Huntington Park is the worst, it's like Tijuana but with worse people.

The soccer riots in Huntington Park are so bad, I think they’re trying to take over the city.

I went to Huntington Park once and it was like a war zone.

When you text your friends about going from home to pub, and the pub starts with P.

Home to Pub, I'm going to the pub. See you there.

Home to Pub, my local is the best, and the pub is even better.

Home to Pub, I'm at the pub now. The beer is good, the people are worse.

So bad it’s like you messed up everything and no one will ever forgive you.

That pizza was so bad, it's like I failed at life.

The movie was so bad, I want to die.

That haircut was so bad, I think I broke the universe.