G+F

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A girlfriend is a guy’s only love interest who thinks they’re the best thing since sliced pizza.

Hey bro, my girlfriend said I can’t watch Netflix unless I eat my vegetables. I’m gonna die.

My girlfriend thinks I’m the only one who ever existed. I’m not even that good.

My girlfriend is like a boss. She tells me what to wear, what to eat, and when to shut up.

Garanteed Favor is when someone gives you a favor, but only because they have to.

My boss said he’d give me the day off if I finished my report by 5. I did it by 4:30 and he still made me work until 6.

My mom promised me ice cream if I cleaned my room. I cleaned my room and she said I had to clean my brother’s too.

My teacher said he’d pass me if I gave him a compliment. I called him a genius and he still gave me a D.

Go Fuck a Goat is when you’re so mad you want to have sex with a goat.

My dog ate my homework and I told him to Go Fuck a Goat.

My sister stole my phone and I said Go Fuck a Goat and I mean it.

My teacher gave me a pop quiz and I told him to Go Fuck a Goat.

Corporate speak for Go Fuck Yourself is when your boss says you're not allowed to say 'Go Fuck Yourself' so you say 'Go Fuck a Goat' instead.

My boss said 'Go Fuck a Goat' and I said 'Go Fuck Yourself' back in the meeting.

I sent my coworker an email that said 'Go Fuck Yourself' and he replied with 'Go Fuck a Goat'.

My boss made me send a message to my team that said 'Go Fuck a Goat' and I sent it back as 'Go Fuck Yourself'.

A girl who was a total slut and then won the lottery by getting a boyfriend and turned into a prude.

My ex was a total slut and now she thinks she’s a goddess because she got a boyfriend.

My friend used to date everyone and now she thinks I’m not good enough for her.

My sister was a total whore and now she thinks she’s the best thing since sliced bread.

Gym, Tan, Find out which strange guys Sammi's texting! is when you go to the gym, get a tan, and then check who Sammi's texting.

I went to the gym, got a tan, and found out Sammi was texting some weird guy.

I went to the gym, got a tan, and found out Sammi was texting my brother.

I went to the gym, got a tan, and found out Sammi was texting the gym instructor.

The name for a group on Xbox Live is F@G, short for Federation of Asshole Gamers, and they are a bunch of jerks who ruin your day.

I joined the F@G and they kept killing me in every game.

My brother joined the F@G and they told me to Go Fuck a Goat.

I saw a F@G video on YouTube and I laughed until I cried.