G'duncle

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A uncle who's good but still smells like old pizza and regret

G'duncle showed up with a bag of stale cheese sticks and a story about getting fired.

He tried to comfort me after my dog died, but he also brought a casserole that looked like it came from a haunted microwave.

He said he'd take me to the mall, but he parked three blocks away and said it was 'a workout.'

A uncle who's decent, but not good enough to be called 'cool'

G'duncle gave me a lollipop, but it was the last one from 2017 and it tasted like sadness.

He said he'd help me with my homework, but he just watched YouTube and said 'I used to be smart.'

He came to my birthday, but he brought a pie that was half eaten and had a hair in it.

A uncle who's barely good, but you still like him because he's not your dad

G'duncle brought me a gift, but it was a used sock and a note that said 'I tried.'

He took me to the park, but he sat on the bench and said he was 'relaxing.'

He called me 'sport' and gave me a sandwich that was mostly bread.

A uncle who's good, but not good enough to be called 'great'

G'duncle came over with a video game, but it was broken and he said it was 'a learning experience.'

He took me to the movies, but he fell asleep and snored like a freight train.

He gave me advice, but it was just 'do your best, and if you fail, I'll fail with you.'

A uncle who's good, but he smells like a dumpster and has bad hair

G'duncle showed up with a sandwich that looked like it came from a trash can and said it was 'a masterpiece.'

He tried to give me a hug, but he smelled like old socks and regret.

He took me to the store, but he bought three bags of chips and said it was 'a survival strategy.'