gainesville status

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you are so messed up you can’t even think straight and you’re screaming at nothing while your brain is on fire

I just ate three burgers and a pizza and I’m yelling at my couch

My roommate tried to talk to me and I answered with a cuss word and a question about why the sky is blue

I’m sitting here with a soda and I’m arguing with my phone because it wouldn’t text me back

you are so out of it you think the toilet is a portal to another dimension and you’re trying to text someone while your soul is screaming

I tried to text my mom but I wrote ‘the toilet is a portal’ instead of ‘I’m coming home’

I stared at the toilet for ten minutes and then started crying because it wouldn’t reply

I tried to send a message but my phone said ‘error: soul is screaming’

you are so lost in your own chaos you think your dog is trying to take over the world and you’re cussing at your fridge

My dog looked at me and I thought he was plotting world domination

I cussed at my fridge because it wouldn’t tell me the secret to life

I told my dog he was a traitor and then I ate a whole bag of chips

you are so brain-dead you think your socks are talking to you and you’re arguing with your shower

I told my socks they were lying and they didn’t reply

I had a full conversation with my shower and it didn’t understand me

I screamed at my shower because it wouldn’t give me the answer to life

you are so far gone you think your mom is a robot and you’re texting your dad while your brain is melting

I told my mom she was a robot and she didn’t believe me

I sent my dad a text that said ‘help me my brain is melting’ and he replied with ‘I know’

I stared at my mom for ten minutes and I thought she was going to explode

you are so lost you think your phone is a wizard and you’re fighting with your cereal

I asked my phone for magic and it said ‘error: no magic available’

I tried to fight my cereal and it wouldn’t stop talking to me

I told my cereal it was a traitor and I ate it whole