Gain of function

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A fancy way soldiers say they’re turning a piece of crap into a weapon, like giving a grenade a PhD.

The general said, 'This is a gain of function, not a bullet.'

He called it 'gain of function' because it was the only thing he could think of that wasn’t 'screaming in pain.'

They did a gain of function and now the enemy has a headache and a degree.

When soldiers take something that barely works and make it so it screams at you before it explodes.

'This is gain of function, not a malfunction.' He said that like he won the lottery.

The bullet was gain of function. It had a side hustle as a drama queen.

They did a gain of function and now the bomb talks back.

The phrase soldiers use when they make something so annoying it becomes a weapon, like a loudspeaker that yells at you.

'This is a gain of function, not a noise complaint.' He said that like it was a compliment.

They did a gain of function and now the loudspeaker has a badge.

The enemy said, 'This is gain of function, not a middle school field trip.'