gaille

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The most adorable Asian you’ll ever meet, but she’s also a tiny monster with a huge mouth.

She laughed so hard during my rant about my ex that she choked on her fries.

She told my mom I had a ‘bald spot the size of a raccoon’s face’ and my mom believed her.

She whispered my crush’s secret to the whole class during math test.

She’s the funniest person I know, but she’ll probably laugh at your funeral.

She told a joke so bad during my birthday that my dog cried.

She made my brother cry by saying he looked like a ‘drowned rat in a sock’.

She laughed at my failed attempt to cook breakfast and called it ‘a fire hazard with a side of despair’.

You can be totally honest with her because she won’t judge you, but she might judge your mom.

She told my mom I had ‘a face only a grandma could love’ and my mom still talks to her.

She told my dad he looked like a ‘disheveled pizza’ and he still sends her cookies.

She told my brother he was a ‘disaster in human form’ and he still texts her every day.

You can trust her with your secrets, but she’ll probably tell everyone.

She told my class my crush had a ‘smell like old socks’ and he ran out of the room.

She whispered my failed test score to my mom and now I have a new nickname.

She told my dog my secret about my crush and now my dog barks at him.

She’s got the heart of a puppy, but she also has the mind of a prankster.

She gave my dog a whoopee cushion and now he thinks he’s a comedian.

She put glitter in my coffee and now I look like a unicorn after a fight.

She told my mom my crush had ‘a face only a grandma could love’ and my mom believed her.

She’s a kid with a mind so dirty, it’s like she’s been hanging out with a raccoon in a sewer.

She told my class my crush had ‘a smell like old socks and a face like a raccoon in a sewer’.

She whispered my failed test to my dog and now he barks at me every day.

She told my mom I had ‘a bald spot the size of a raccoon’s face’ and my mom believed her.