gaboosh

Fresh

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Lying to a woman for years, telling her you're going to propose, but you're just too lazy to do it.

'I'll propose next week,' he said. Next week came. He didn't. Again.'

'He's been stringing me along since high school. I'm still waiting.'

'He said he'd marry me when he got a raise. He got a raise. He didn't marry me.'

When you find peace just by shoving your junk in a closet and calling it a life.

'I don’t need a vacation. I just need a bigger closet.'

'I’ve got my Zen. My closet is full, and I’m happy.'

'My house is a mess, but my closet is organized. That’s all I need.'

Sushi that tastes like it was thrown in a trash can and stepped on by a cow.

'I ate sushi and now I’m on the floor. I think I’m dead.'

'That sushi was so bad, I threw up in my boss’s office.'

'I tried to eat sushi. Now I have to eat cereal for a week.'