gabe rister

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The only human who can make your day and your toilet paper at the same time.

Gabe Rister just texted me a meme and a coupon for free tacos.

He showed up at my house with a pizza and a middle finger.

He called my mom and said I was the best person ever... and then he said I was also a disgrace.

A human being who doesn’t just exist, he takes up space and makes you laugh while doing it.

He walked into my math class and made the teacher cry.

He texted me during church and said, 'You're the best person ever... and also a sinner.'

He showed up at my job and stole my lunch.

A god who gives you free snacks and also gives your enemies the worst migraines.

He sent me a pizza and said it was from God.

He gave my nemesis a headache so bad they cried.

He showed up at my mom’s house and said I was the best person ever... and then he said I was also a disaster.