F'd in the pants!

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When you’re broke, wasted, and sitting on the front steps of a gas station in Alaska, screaming at the moon like it owes you money.

I woke up on the floor of a 7-Eleven with a half-eaten donut and a 12-pack of beer.

My mom called me and said the cops are coming because I tried to steal the store’s WiFi.

I told the clerk I was gonna be rich in a week. He said I looked like a fool.

You’re so broke, drunk, and lazy you’re sitting on the porch of a store in Alaska like it’s your office.

I tried to buy a candy bar and got yelled at by the store owner.

I passed out on the steps and woke up with a squirrel staring at me.

I told my friend I was gonna live in the store forever. He said I was crazy.

You’re broke, wasted, and stuck outside a gas station in Alaska, yelling at the sky like it broke your bank account.

I tried to pay with a $1 bill and got laughed at by the clerk.

The store owner said I was the worst customer he’d ever had.

I told the cops I was running a business. They said I was the worst business they’d ever seen.