f*ck buddy

You: hey, wanna grab a bite? Them: sure, but only if you pay for the dessert and the sex.

You: i’m free tonight. Them: same, but only if you bring the wine and the vibes.

You: i need a break. Them: me too, but only if you take me out for pizza and then take me home.

You: hey, wanna do this? Them: sure, but only if you don’t talk about it later.

You: i’m bored. Them: me too, but only if you don’t post a selfie of us.

You: i need a distraction. Them: me too, but only if you don’t mention it to your friends.

You: i’m coming over. Them: sure, but only if you don’t bring your ex.

You: we’re on a roll. Them: yeah, but only if you don’t take it too far.

You: i missed you. Them: me too, but only if you don’t make it official.