factsy

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A beer-drunk beast who spits out random facts like they’re insults and expects you to listen

"Did you know the moon is made of cheese?", said while drinking out of a milk carton

He told me the Eiffel Tower is shorter than my uncle’s beard. I believe him because he drank six beers.

He dropped a fact about the Great Wall of China during a bathroom break. It was glorious.

A human who drinks so much beer they forget their own name but remember every stupid fact ever said

He told me the average person has 20 teeth. I now have 17 because I bit my tongue.

He said the Sahara Desert is the biggest desert. I asked him about the Antarctica one. He passed out.

He knew the exact number of legs a spider has. I didn’t. I got mad.

A walking beer can who yells facts at people like they owe him money

He screamed, "The human body is 78% water!" while throwing a beer can at my face. It was 78% fun.

He told me the Nile is the longest river. I asked him about the Amazon. He said, "That’s just a rumor."

He yelled, "There are more stars than grains of sand!" while sitting on my couch. I now have a bruise.