Facksed Up

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Getting completely trashed and turned into a mess by booze and drugs. You’re so wasted you might as well be dead.

I came home looking like a drunk raccoon who got hit by a truck.

She texted me: 'I think I just became a human puddle.'

He tried to sing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ and failed at it.

Getting so wasted you can’t tell your left foot from your right toe. Your brain is a fried egg.

He said he could walk a straight line… then he fell into a puddle.

She tried to tweet but wrote ‘I am a banana’ instead of ‘I am a banana.’

He texted his mom: ‘I think I just became a ghost.’

Getting so drunk or high you’re like a broken robot. You can’t move and you’re screaming at the ceiling.

He fell off the couch and tried to eat the TV.

She texted me: ‘I think the ceiling is talking to me.’

He tried to do a dance and ended up face-planted in a plate of spaghetti.

Getting so wasted you can’t even remember your own name. You’re like a puddle with a soul.

He tried to call his mom and said ‘Hello, I’m your uncle’s neighbor’s dog.’

She texted me: ‘I think I just became a soup.’

He tried to eat a pizza and ended up eating the table.

Getting so trashed you can’t think straight. Your brain is like a burnt-out toaster.

He tried to text me and wrote ‘I am a robot made of pizza.’

She said she was going to dance, but she just sat down and cried.

He tried to sing and just screamed into a pillow.