Faceless Men

I saw one in the subway. He looked like he’d been hit by a bus and forgot to shower.

My uncle is one. He shows up to family dinners and just stares at the ceiling.

That guy at the gym. He lifts weights like he’s trying to prove he’s not a Faceless Man.

My boss is a Faceless Man. He yells at me for things I didn’t even do.

My ex-boyfriend was one. He left me for a girl who had a face and a personality.

That guy in my math class. He’s the reason I failed algebra.

My neighbor is one. He walks around like he’s been exiled from heaven.

That guy at the grocery store. He looked like he’d been in a fight with a zombie.

My brother’s friend is a Faceless Man. He once tried to kiss my sister and she ran away.

I dated one. He didn’t even know how to use a toaster.

That guy at the bar. He tried to tell a joke and it was just a string of curses.

My cousin’s husband is a Faceless Man. He once tried to eat a whole pie in one bite and it didn’t go well.

That guy at the bus stop. He smells like old socks and regret.

My friend’s dad is one. He once tried to fix my bike and broke it more.

That guy in my history class. He fell asleep during the Civil War and never woke up.

My uncle’s brother is one. He shows up to Thanksgiving and just eats the whole pie.

That guy at the mall. He looked like he’d been abandoned by a ghost.

My neighbor’s dog is a Faceless Man. It barks at nothing and eats my homework.