Facebook Slammer

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A person who gets off on looking at Facebook pics like they're the last meal before death

I saw a photo of my ex’s dog and I had to take a cold shower.

My aunt posted a selfie and I got a boner like it was 2003.

I scrolled through my old crush’s timeline and I nearly peed my pants.

Somebody who gets their rocks off by staring at Facebook photos like they’re the only thing keeping them alive

I saw my old teacher’s vacation pics and I had to hide my phone under my bed.

My cousin posted a photo of her cat and I got a hard-on like it was a TikTok trend.

I looked at my ex’s new profile pic and I almost screamed.

A person who gets their jollies by looking at Facebook pictures like they’re the best thing since sliced bread

I saw my neighbor’s new baby and I nearly died from the joy of it all.

My mom posted a photo of her lunch and I got a boner like it was a festival.

I looked at my old flame’s vacation pics and I almost cried from happiness.

A guy who gets his peen hard just by looking at Facebook profiles like they’re the last thing he’ll ever see

I saw my ex’s new dating profile and I almost got a heart attack.

My uncle posted a photo of his food and I got a boner like it was a party.

I looked at my crush’s vacation pics and I nearly exploded.

A person who gets their rocks off by looking at Facebook pictures like they’re the only thing standing between them and madness

I saw my old friend’s new beard and I nearly peed my pants.

My brother posted a photo of his dog and I got a hard-on like it was a movie.

I scrolled through my ex’s timeline and I almost screamed from the pain.

A person who gets their jollies by looking at Facebook profiles like they’re the last meal before death

I saw my ex’s new dating picture and I almost died from the joy.

My mom posted a photo of her lunch and I got a boner like it was a festival.

I looked at my crush’s vacation pics and I almost cried from happiness.