Facebook Literalist

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A person who thinks every silly post on Facebook is a life-changing message, even when it's just someone being a doofus.

'I ate cereal for dinner.' becomes a prophecy about the end of civilization.

'My cat blinked at me.' is now a sign of the apocalypse.

'I’m tired.' is a full-blown manifesto about the downfall of society.

A fool who turns Facebook jokes into sacred texts, and gets mad if you laugh at the wrong part.

'I bought a new sock.' is now a religious experience. And you’re a sinner for not believing.

'I’m bored.' is a public declaration of war against all fun people.

They quote 'I drank coffee.' like it’s the Ten Commandments.

A person who takes every Facebook post as the truth, even when it’s clearly just someone being lazy.

'I’m going to bed.' is now a proclamation of eternal slumber.

'I like pizza.' is now a sacred oath and a battle cry.

They believe 'I’m tired.' is a full-blown emergency.

A human who turns Facebook updates into epic sagas, and gets angry if you don’t take them seriously.

'I’m hungry.' is now a dramatic tale of survival against the hunger beasts.

'I’m tired.' is a legendary saga of heroism and exhaustion.

They believe 'I’m going to sleep.' is a divine revelation.

A person who believes every Facebook post is a prophecy, and will fight you if you laugh at the wrong time.

'I’m cold.' is now a prophecy of doom and ice.

'I’m sleepy.' is a sacred chant and a warning to all who dare be awake.

They believe 'I’m bored.' is a sign of the end times.