Facebook Glancing

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2 views · Added 13d ago · 5 definitions

A way to tell someone you’ve been sneaking peeks at their Facebook all day like a deranged detective with a caffeine addiction.

Hey, I saw your vacation pics and your ex's new beard. You’re getting soft.

I’ve been watching your status updates like they’re the last episode of my favorite show.

You posted a photo of your cat and I’ve been judging your life choices since 3 PM.

When you pretend you’re not checking someone’s Facebook every 10 minutes like it’s a high-stakes game of chess.

I saw your new job post and now I’m questioning my entire life.

You posted a picture of your lunch and I’ve been comparing it to mine for 47 minutes.

You’re on Facebook and I’m not, and I’m mad about it.

The art of pretending you’re not obsessed with someone’s Facebook like it’s a crime.

I saw your birthday post and now I’m wondering if you’ve forgotten about me.

You posted a status about your bad day and I’m now blaming you for mine.

I checked your Facebook 12 times and I’m still not done.

When you look at someone’s Facebook so much it starts to feel like a full-time job and you’re not getting paid for it.

You posted a picture of your dog and I’ve been analyzing your life since 8 AM.

You updated your relationship status and now I’m confused and jealous.

You posted a selfie and I’m now questioning my entire existence.

The worst kind of spying because you’re using Facebook like it’s a detective novel and you’re the main character.

I saw your new car and now I’m jealous and wondering why I didn’t buy one.

You posted about your gym routine and now I feel like I’ve been failing at life.

You updated your bio and now I’m trying to figure out what that means.