Face Invaded

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1
When some forgotten jerk from your childhood sends you a Facebook friend request like they’re trying to restart a dead relationship and you’re just trying to avoid a reunion from hell.
Hey, remember me? I’m still fat and still your nemesis.
You’re still my favorite teacher? Wow, that’s creepy.
You’re still alive? I thought you died in the 7th grade.
2
When your girlfriend says she’s doing you a favor by giving you a blow job, but it feels more like she’s punishing you for your bad decisions.
You think this is a favor? I’m doing this because I feel like it.
I’m doing this for your soul, not because I like you.
You’re lucky I don’t charge you for this.
xs