Face Crabs

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When your face hairs grow out and start tickling your face like a bunch of angry spiders.

Man, my face crabs are driving me crazy. I feel like a raccoon with a beard.

I’ve been scratching my face so much, I think I’ve torn my skin off.

My face crabs are so itchy, I’ve been talking to my dog like it’s my therapist.

A person whose eyes are so far apart, you think they were born in different states.

Her eyes are like two continents. I don’t know how she can see.

He looks like a human with a split personality. His eyes are miles apart.

Her face is like a map. Her eyes are on opposite coasts.

A face so weird and red, you think it was sunburned by a nuclear explosion and then dipped in a crab soup.

She looks like she got sunburned and then drowned in a crab tank.

That face is like a crab that’s been in the sun for a week.

He’s got a face like a crab that’s been pickled and grilled.

A face that’s so round and puffy, it looks like a crab that’s been eating too much and got stuck in a deep sea pizza.

His face is like a deep sea crab that just ate a whole pizza.

She’s got a face like a crab that’s been swimming in a soup of carbs.

That face is like a crab that’s been living in a snack bar.

A super ugly person, so ugly you think they were born in a dumpster and then cursed by a witch.

She’s so ugly, I think her parents were born in a trash can.

He looks like a ghost that got hit by a truck and then cursed.

That person is so ugly, I think they were born in a trash can and then kicked out.