Face Armor

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A beard so thick it could stop a bullet and still make you smell like old socks

My uncle’s beard is so full of dirt and smoke, it’s like a forest grew on his face.

I tried to kiss my dad, and his beard felt like a raccoon attacked me.

My barber said my beard was so wild, he thought it was a new species.

A beard so gnarly it could beat up a goat and still have time to laugh

My neighbor’s beard is so long, it looks like he’s hiding a chicken in there.

My dad’s beard is so scratchy, it makes my face feel like it’s on fire.

My beard is so full of stubble, I could start a war with it.

A beard so full of hair it could choke a horse and still have time to whisper insults

My beard is so thick, I could live in it and never see the light of day.

My cousin’s beard is so wild, it looks like a tornado hit his face.

My beard is so full of dirt, I could plant a garden on it.