Slangipedia - Slang Dictionary

1

The only reason you’re still breathing is because God is taking a break from punching you in the face.

God: 'I’m not dead. I’m just tired of you.'

You pray for a miracle. God sends a traffic jam.

Your mom says God is watching you. You reply, 'I know. He’s been texting me since 3 AM.'

2

The person who created everything but still can’t remember to put the cap back on the toothpaste.

You look at the toothpaste. God: 'I swear I put the cap on.'

God creates the universe. Then forgets to charge his phone.

You ask God why the sky is blue. He says, 'I was high.'

3

The ultimate boss but also the worst roommate you ever had.

God: 'I’m gonna fix the world. Just don’t make a mess.'

You ask God for help. He replies, 'I’m busy. Go ask the devil.'

God creates the world. Then forgets to water the plants.

4

The only person who can make you cry and laugh at the same time without trying.

You pray for help. God says, 'I’m here. I’m just tired.'

God creates the world. Then forgets to take out the trash.

You ask God for a sign. He sends a middle finger.

5

The person who gave you life but also the worst hangover you ever had.

You thank God for life. He says, 'I’m still waiting for my coffee.'

God creates the world. Then forgets to put on pants.

You pray for a miracle. God says, 'I’m working on it. Just don’t drink my wine.'