Ebay Gold

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A thing that’s barely worth a damn, but holy hell it’s perfect for people who live on Ebay like it’s their religion.

I paid $50 for a used toaster that looked like it had been through a war. Still, I’m proud of my Ebay Gold status.

My grandma bought a fake diamond necklace for $20. She’s now a certified Ebay Gold member.

I sold my old socks for $10. I’m rich. You’re poor.

A piece of junk that somehow makes you feel like a king, just because you saw it on Ebay.

I bought a broken blender for $3. I feel like I won the lottery.

My dog’s old tennis ball was worth more than my Ebay Gold purchase.

I paid $50 for a lamp that doesn’t work. I’m a genius.

A thing that’s not worth a plugged nickel, but you’re so proud of it you might cry.

I paid $15 for a used mug. It’s got a chip. I’m rich.

My Ebay Gold status is higher than my self-respect.

I bought a broken watch for $10. It’s the best investment of my life.

A worthless object that you pretend is a treasure just to feel important online.

I bought a broken keyboard for $20. I’m a king now.

My Ebay Gold status is my only self-respect.

I sold my old gym shoes for $5. I’m a millionaire.

A piece of crap that somehow makes you feel like you’ve won the whole game of life.

I paid $25 for a used lamp that doesn’t work. I’m rich.

My Ebay Gold status is higher than my IQ.

I bought a broken chair for $10. I’m the best buyer on Ebay.

Something that’s barely worth a damn, but you live for it like it’s your soul.

I paid $10 for a used pen. I’m now a certified Ebay Gold member.

My Ebay Gold status is more important than my real job.

I bought a broken phone for $5. I’m a genius.