Eat You Out

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To eat you out is when some lowlife shows up at your house, eats your food like it's free, and leaves you with a hangover and a broken heart.

My cousin showed up at my house with three kids and ate my entire fridge. I had to eat cereal for a week.

My aunt came over, ate my pizza, and left a mess. I swear she’s a ghost.

My cousin’s cousin came over, ate my food, and said I was ‘a bad host’ like I was the one who failed life.

When you go down on a woman’s snatch like it’s a free buffet and you’re not even paying for it.

He gave me a blowjob like I was the last meal at a restaurant.

He licked my pussy like it was the best thing since sliced bread.

He went down on me like I was the only woman in the world and he had to eat me out.

This place is so bad, even the bugs are tired of it.

This city is so bad, the heat is like a sauna and I’m sweating like I just ran a marathon.

The city is a mess. Kids break into cars and eat out of trash cans like they’re homeless.

This city is so bad, even the cops are tired of dealing with all the lazy people.

This city is so stupid, the kids don’t even know how to speak English and they’re walking around looking like they just came out of a dumpster.

These kids don’t know how to speak proper English and they look like they just rolled out of a trash can.

This city is so dumb, the kids are walking around like they’re part of a trash heap.

The kids in this city are so lazy, they don’t even brush their teeth, and they think that’s normal.

This city is so bad, it’s like a third-world country with no jobs and a bunch of fat people eating like it’s the last meal on Earth.

This city is so bad, I’d rather live in a cave than stay here.

The city has no jobs and people are eating like they’re going to die tomorrow.

This city is so bad, I’m moving to DC like my life depends on it.

This place is for people who love pork, hate progress, and think eating like a pig is the greatest thing in life.

This place is for people who eat like pigs and think that’s cool.

If you’re not a pork-lover, you don’t belong here.

This place is for people who refuse to live in the 21st century and still think bar-b-q is the best meal in the world.