eat retarded sandwiches

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when someone acts like a brain-dead donkey and makes a mess of everything they touch

He tried to fix the Wi-Fi and now the whole house is offline.

She ate a whole pizza in one bite and then cried because it was too spicy.

He texted his ex a song and then sent it to his mom by mistake.

when a person does something so stupid it makes your brain want to quit

He wore socks with sandals to a job interview and got rejected instantly.

She texted her boss ‘I’m sick’ and then went to the mall.

He tried to flirt with the barista and accidentally asked her if she was a vampire.

when someone makes a decision so bad it feels like it was made by a monkey with a broken calculator

He spent all his money on a neon fanny pack and a pet raccoon.

She quit her job to become a TikTok influencer and now has 27 followers.

He tried to propose to his girlfriend with a poem he wrote on a napkin and it was about tacos.

when a person does something so dumb it makes you want to throw them out the window

He tried to impress his friends by doing a backflip off a chair and landed on a pizza box.

She texted her crush ‘I love you’ and then sent it to her mom by accident.

He wore a hat made of socks to a party and no one talked to him.

when someone acts like a confused chicken who just got hit by a bus

He texted his girlfriend ‘I miss you’ and then sent it to his dad.

She tried to cook a meal and burned the house down.

He tried to play the guitar and it sounded like a broken duck.

when a person does something so stupid it’s like they were born in a dumpster and raised by raccoons

He tried to seduce his teacher by whispering ‘I love you’ during a math test.

She wore a shirt that said ‘I heart tacos’ to a romantic dinner.

He tried to fix his phone by throwing it into a blender.