eat bagels

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Shoving a whole loaf of bread up someone's rectum while they're still alive.

My cousin ate bagels after he lost a bet and had to wear a tutu to the grocery store.

My friend ate bagels because he didn't want to admit he got beaten by a 10-year-old.

My mom ate bagels because she was mad I left my socks on the floor again.

When you beat someone so bad they look like a hole in the middle of a donut and you laugh while they cry.

My brother ate bagels after I beat him in a video game and he cried like a baby.

My teacher ate bagels after I made a joke about her hair and she failed me.

My dog ate bagels after I took his favorite toy and left him in the park.

When you smoke so much weed you forget your own name and start talking to the ceiling.

I ate bagels after I smoked 10 joints and my dog started talking back to me.

My friend ate bagels and tried to tell my mom he was the president of France.

I ate bagels and told my teacher the sky was pink and it was a lie.

Telling someone to go die in a ditch and hope the ditch smells like onions.

I told my brother to eat bagels after he stole my lunch and my last sock.

My friend told my teacher to eat bagels after I drew a mustache on her face.

I told my dog to eat bagels after he ate my homework and my mom was mad.

A person who eats bagels every morning but still can't make a sandwich.

My uncle is a bagel eater but he can't even toast a piece of bread properly.

My neighbor eats bagels every day and still can't tie his shoes.

My cousin eats bagels but can't even make a sandwich without crying.