Easthampton

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1
A town in western Massachusetts that’s like Northampton’s fat, lazy cousin. It’s got some artsy types and rich kids who think they’re cool, but mostly it’s full of people who think soft serve is a luxury. Westhampton and Southampton are its inbred, dirt-bag relatives.
My aunt moved to Easthampton and now thinks she’s a painter. She’s just bad at drawing and good at eating fries.
My cousin got into a fight over who had the better soft serve cone. It was tragic.
My brother dated a girl from Easthampton. He said she was ‘kinda artsy but mostly trash.’
2
A town where the grass is green, the girls are pretty, and everyone thinks they’re better than you. It’s like a fairy tale, except the fairy tale was written by a rich kid who got into a fight with their parents.
My friend moved there and now thinks she’s a princess. She’s just rich and bad at math.
My ex said Easthampton was ‘the best place on Earth’ until I texted her a picture of her old house.
My cousin got dumped there and now lives in a van. He says it’s ‘the life.’
3
A high school where everyone is rich, high, or both. The lockers are either covered in lip gloss or drug wrappers. Parents don’t care, so everyone just gets high and makes out in the bathroom.
My friend got caught making out in the bathroom and got a detention. He said it was worth it.
My cousin OD’d at her locker and now everyone thinks she’s cool.
My brother got into a fight with his crush over who had the better drugs. It was a disaster.
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