Easterly

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When you stomp a wall with a toothpick stuck under your big toe and call it a day

I kicked the wall so hard I broke my toenail and the toothpick fell out.

My neighbor saw me and asked if I was trying to wake the dead.

I told my mom I was doing yoga, but she knew I was being a fool.

A weird creature that pees everywhere and has a wrinkle face that it can't shut up about

I saw one peeing on the Easter Island and it looked like it was in a hurry.

They wear pee buckets like helmets and scream when they're happy.

The males get stabbed from the butt and then cut themselves in half.

When you finish a whole bottle of Whisky and your wife is about to throw you out the window

I said I'd have one sip and ended up drinking the whole thing.

My wife came home and saw the empty bottle and almost cried.

I told her I was just warming it up and then I passed out.

A wise old guy who told the Nara people how to live and probably had a really bad temper

He told the Nara people to stop fighting and start eating.

He was so old he probably had a beard that could be used as a blanket.

He once yelled so loud the trees fell over.