Eastering

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A weak knockoff of the Great Pumpkin, like it was made by a tired kid who just wanted to go home.

My Easter basket had 2 eggs and a lollipop. This is not Easter. This is a scam.

I thought the Great Pumpkin was a real thing. Turns out it’s just a weak knockoff.

The Great Pumpkin is like the OG. This Easter thing is just a cheap copy.

A holiday that celebrates Jesus coming back from the dead, but it’s not as cool as it sounds.

Jesus came back from the dead? That’s not cool. That’s just a basic resurrection.

I didn’t even care when Jesus came back from the dead. I was too busy eating my chocolate eggs.

If Jesus came back from the dead, why isn’t he here right now?

A HELLISH HOLIDAY WHERE EGGS ARE MURDERED BY EVIL MONSTERS, AND YOU HAVE TO PLAY GAMES TO SAVE THEM, OR EAT THEM IF THEY'RE CHOCOLATE.

I hate Easter. I hate the egg games. I hate the monsters. I hate everything about it.

I lost my egg to a monster. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

The egg game with the spoon was the worst. My egg cracked and died. I cried.

A holiday where Jesus’s pet rabbit laid eggs and dyed them like a kid who got too much candy.

Jesus’s pet rabbit laid eggs and painted them with glitter. That’s not normal.

Why is the rabbit the star of Easter? Jesus died on a cross and the rabbit gets all the glory.

The rabbit’s egg colors were so weird. I thought it was a prank.

An adjective so good it’s basically the king of adjectives, and Easter is the king of holidays.

Easter is the king of holidays. It’s better than Christmas. It’s better than Halloween. It’s better than everything.

Easter is like the best of the best. It’s not just good. It’s the king.

Easter is the adjective that is so good, it should be given a medal.

A holiday where fake Christians worship fake gods because real Christians know it’s all a scam.

Easter is fake. Real Christians know that. They just pretend to believe in it.

Pagan people pretend to be Christians to get more candy. It’s a scam.

I’m a pagan, and I know Easter is a scam. I’ve been doing this for years.

A holiday where a bearded man comes back from the dead and people eat chocolate eggs, and no one cares about work or school.

Jesus came back from the dead and I got chocolate eggs. That’s the best thing that ever happened.

Schools and workplaces close for Easter? That’s not fair. I wanted to work.

I didn’t care about work or school. I just wanted my chocolate egg.