east stroudsburg

East Stroudsburg is the kind of town that makes you want to scream into a pillow. It's tiny, but packed with people who think they're the main attraction. Every weekend, it’s like a circus, tourists, dirtbags, and people who look like they just came out of a sewer. The only fun is at Walmart or the mall, and even that’s just a distraction from how bad everything else is.

East Stroudsburg North is where all the New York trash moves to. It’s got two schools that hate each other, but neither one can play sports worth a damn. Everyone here thinks they’re from the Bronx or Queens, even if they’re not. The teachers swear at each other like they’re in a rap battle, and the kids are either wasted or failing tests.

East Stroudsburg is a town that's been stuck in the past, but now it's filled with people who think they're rich. The locals are poor, the new people are rich, and everyone fights over the same gas station. The school board is corrupt, the taxes are insane, and the only thing that keeps people from moving out is the Walmart.

East Stroudsburg used to be a nice place, but now it’s just a bunch of New Yorkers who think they’re cool. The town is mostly white, but it feels like it’s run by people who don’t know what they’re doing. There are too many kids, too much drug use, and not enough sense.

East Stroudsburg is the dumbest town in the Poconos. It’s got a school that sold a trailer for $1, teachers who sleep with each other, and kids who are too fat for lunch. The only good thing about it is that the rival school is on steroids.